Pumpkin Spice Sues Everyone for Over the Top Appropriation

Pumpkin Spice is suing everyone for 10 billion dollars because of blatant appropriation without compensation.

As September is a few weeks away, Pumpkin Spice is prepared to go head-to-head…with everyone.

“I’m a SPICE, dammit, not a season! I am good all year round, don’t pigeonhole me!” exclaimed the ubiquitous Fall seasoning.

P.Spice (as she prefers to be called) is suing everyone who appropriates her signature taste and vibe and mood because it has clearly gotten out of hand. Additionally, she isn’t making a cent of the blatant appropriation.

“I mean, I get it – I am a catch. I never smell bad and I make people feel comfortable. I’ve always known this, I got the goods. I am the shit,” muses Pumpkin Spice. “But if my calculations are correct, I am owed 10 billion dollars. Salt never has this problem – that’s because Salt is a MAN! Of course, he’s given his credit.”

We are unable to reach Salt and his representatives for comment (they cited he was too busy being an actual seasoning that mattered).

“What did that motherf—r say?! I swear to God! I swear it, I am going to kick his bougie ass,” said P.Spice as she sipped a Pumpkin Spice latte and angrily glared as the reporter and mouthed “don’t judge me.”

Salt and representatives were unavailable for comments but said he was doing actual meaningful things.

Financial records show that the spice only received lifetime access to lattes from Starbucks as payment (and is currently her only source of food). P.Spice has even tried her best to cash in on her monumental celebrity through a number of collaborations. She tried a reality show with the Spice Girls. However, it never materialized due to P.Spice’s anger management issues.

“Those ungrateful jezebels! They OWE ME. I came before them, I paved the way!” she said as she lights a cigarette. “I MADE THEM.”

The Spice Girls and their representatives were unable for comment as they would rather “zig-a-zig-ah” than ever speak about P.Spice ever again.

A court date has not been set, but the wonderful smelling seasoning has the best lawyer for the job.

“I saw Hank’s face on a bench when I was waiting for the bus,” says P.Spice. “He fights for people who have had injuries. And I have a major injury - my super bruised ego.”

P.Spice currently has a GoFundMe to help her get back on her feet with the hopes of winning her case against everyone. We will continue to monitor her progress toward justice.